Cattula

25 Random Things About Me

OK - so I am totally cheating and using a facebook post as a blog post, but nonetheless -

1 - I love The Daily Show and The Colbert Report.

2 - I really respect Steven Colbert both for his sense of humor and his ability to rise about the tragedy he has experienced in his life.

3 - I think the best part of going to work is the people I get to talk to.  (Well, almost all of them;)

4 - I have, and always have had, deep religious convictions, but I discuss them with very few people.

5 - I respect people who have no religious convictions.

6 - I still think about going back to school to study counseling.

7 - I still dream of being a published writer.  Ok - so I have been published in local newspapers - but I'm thinking something bigger.

8 - Sometimes I get too stuck in my own thoughts.

9 - I love my cat very much.

10 - When I feel sad, I like to look at phots of my wedding and listen to songs from the ceremony.  It always makes me smile.

11 - One of my favorite memories from my wedding is when Steve took a sip of the wine we had - we combined two types of wine to symbolize our two lives coming together - he took a sip and swilled it around and then stood there and rubbed his chin - contemplating the taste.  It made me laugh and think - that is why I love you.

12 - I felt incredibly at peace when we visited Yosemite.  I also felt like I would be back soon and when I talk to other people about it - they say they feel the same - even though it was very hard to get to and we are not likely to go back soon.

13 - I am a vegetarian.

14 - I am married to a meat eater.

15 - My husband and I  hardly ever fight about the last two statements, but often bicker over the appropriate tempature.

16 - I was so happy and proud to be there when Obama was sworn into office.

17 - I hope I am able to make people laugh.

18 - I hope I am able to be a shoulder to cry on.

19 - I have a restless spirit and am often looking forward to the next big thing.

20 - I have a sense of hope for our future.

21 - I just posted this and then realized I was supposed to go to number 25 - not 20.

22 - I think 25 is a large number.

23 - But not when it applies to age - then it is a very small number.

24 - As is 34.

25 - I plan to adopt my parent's wisdom "Old is whatever age I am not."

You Are the Light

       

          As a child, I attended Catholic school.  And the school I attended was fairly strict and heavy on doctrine.  And guilt.  So much so, that in science class we studied how the crucifixion occurred and why it was so painful.  And I distinctly remember my science teacher pausing to look us in the eyes and say, “And just remember, if you were the only person who ever sinned, Jesus still would have had to endure all of that – just for you.  Remember that the next time you are tempted.”

          As a result, I felt very bad about my sins.  Yet I also felt incapable of being perfect.  So I felt caught in a trap of continuing to sin, without hope of ever ending the suffering of Christ – whose body was stretched before me on a cross.

          In my twenties, I began to drift away from the Church.  I wasn’t sure what religion I was, or if I even believed in God at all.  I vacillated between hope and fear.  Hope that my sins would be forgiven and fear that I could never do enough to please God.  In the end, I spent a lot of time listening to Protestant ministers and drinking in the message that His grace was sufficient.  I didn’t really think I would ever go back to being Catholic.

          So, it is a bit of a surprise to me that since Christmas I have found myself, weekly, standing in Mass – reciting the Lord’s Prayer, the Creed, and receiving the Eucharist.  I thought I had walked away from this part of my life.  I thought it was too painful.  But now, where that pain once was, there is a quiet stillness.  I am able to just be present, to just be at peace. 

          I’ve been struggling a lot lately with the pain of not having had a child, with the fear that I never will.  And yet, when I am at mass, I look at Christ on the cross and know that He suffered – that He felt my pain.  And it makes me feel less alone.  Gone is the guilt and the sorrow.  I don’t have to fear that pain that He is in – I know that we can dwell there together - that we will be OK.

          Recently, at the end of a yoga class, while lying still in meditation I thought of my future child.  I said to that child, “If you would only come to me, I would so be there for you.”  And I felt a still, calm voice within me say, “So be there fore me now.”

          And that is the challenge that I am living in right now.  How to be present for myself yet be respectful of the needs and desires of those around me.  In a way, I think this challenge goes to the very heart of parenting.  I want those I love to know that I love them – that I am there for them – but I need to protect myself as well.

          I know my brother is angry with me.  I know he expects me to be something I cannot be right now.  I want to tell him I am sorry – that I understand it must hurt – but that I have to respect my own boundaries.  I have to learn how to take care of myself – maybe for the first time ever – before I can fully be there for others.  I have to take this time to learn to be vulnerable without breaking.

 

And so I offer this song as a prayer - for him, for me, for all of us - that we may come to dwell in the light.

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The Stork Is Dead!

I saw this on a blog and had to share!~~

In other news, police are treating as suspicious the discovery of the remains of the stork in the small hours of yesterday morning.

The body of the bird was discovered in a wishing well at approximately 4am.

It appears that the suspected murder was carried out by an unstable individual, or individuals, in a ritualistic manner.

The stork's wings were restrained with what is thought to be it's own baby-carrying handkerchief, and the words 'relax THIS, ***' were etched into its chest with a blunt instrument, believed to be plastic.

Two broken ovulation prediction tests were found near the scene with traces of the stork's blood.

The stork's anal cavity appeared to have been packed full with a substance which the medical examiner claims to be the much talked about 'baby dust'.

The actual cause of death is believed to be drowning, as a significant amount of fluid was found in the creature's lungs. The fluid was later shown to be urine, and was notably lacking any trace of the hormone hCG.

When asked were there any developments in the investigation, the detective in charge said that they had narrowed down the profile of the suspected killer to one sixth of the population.

And now, for the weather...